It's easy to get discouraged. Just read the news! The more I learn about the state of the world, the more I feel powerless to bring about the change that I long to see. Jetaime and I have been travelling a lot for our honeymoon and you see a lot of different conditions of people in society. Travelling also gives you a lot of time to think. I was thinking about all this last Sunday and God spoke to me through the sermon on John 6. The chapter describes how Jesus is speaking to 5,000 men plus women and children and it becomes time for lunch. This is a real problem because they are in a far away place and don't have money or access to enough for all of these people to eat.
Jesus sees the problem, knows the answer, and then says probably the most hilarious thing in the gospels. I just imagine him affecting a worried look, kind of anxious about the situation and going up to Phillip and whispering "Phillip, where in the world are we going to get enough bread for all of these people to eat?" This really throws Phillip and the disciples off their A game. Up to this point it seemed like Jesus took care of all the problems and they just enjoyed the ride. But now Jesus was putting the responsibility for the miraculous in their hands and the problem was way too big for them!
I have felt the exact same way as the disciples so many times. When I was doing my teaching internship for four months I often felt really overwhelmed. I had these huge dreams for my students and myself, but it just felt impossible to get there. When I hear about homelessness in Regina and some of the systemic oppressions that the marginalized face I want to make a difference but I can't do much at all. When I know the sweetness and joy of God's presence I want to just share it with the world, but I don't know the best way. Sometimes I am crippled by fear, feelings of inadequacy, or even just not knowing what to do.
The disciples were in this situation and they began to look at possibilities. "We could buy food for everyone but that would cost a whole years salary" "Oh yeah, also there is not exactly enough catering available for a crowd of over 5,000 even if we had the money." Finally Andrew comes in, I think he sees the ridiculousness of the situation and maybe as a joke he says "Hey guys don't worry! I found a kid with five loaves of bread and two fish...". But even he can't keep up the illusion and he ends defeatedly "But how far will that go among so many?"
The disciples are defeated by the size of the problem, they have run out of options, they have given up hope and I think that is exactly where Jesus wanted them. If Jesus had just fed the 5,000 without putting the responsibility in their hands then they would be excited by the miracle, but never realize that it had been within the realm of possibility for them to do something about the problem. One of my favourite quotes about God was said, I believe, by Corrie ten Boom "When the foundations of our life are being shaken we look to God, only to find that often he is the one shaking them."
The kingdom of God generally exists right at the edge or past our comfort zone. All the greatest miracles I have ever seen in my life involved a step or leap of faith beyond what I was comfortable with. I remember going to bible school with only $800 in my bank account. I didn't know anyone there, I didn't have a place to stay until a week before, it was in a different country, I didn't have any clue about how it was all going to come together but I felt a peace and a calling from God to go there. I went, and God met every single need. Even when my bank account was literally down to like two dollars he provided rent for a month, for three months he actually provided enough for me to eat pretty well on less than a dollar for the whole day and he even provided enough to be generous to others too.
I gained so much while I was down there and so many more miracles than just provision. My roommate and I prayed for man's leg/ankle which had been shattered. He couldn't put any pressure on it without intense pain, but after we prayed he could completely rest on it without any pain. My roommate prayed for a lady with Parkinson's and saw it healed. We prayed for an amazing Mexican lady we had befriended after she was diagnosed with tumours in her chest and they dissolved, which was later verified in her next medical examination. We saw people get out of wheelchairs, saw people receive winds of refreshing as they discovered the salvation of God, and we encountered the presence of God in the most beautiful ways.
In the past few years I haven't lived in that exciting of edge of faith as much and haven't been in as many John 6 situations where I have to rely on God alone to see the mountains move. But he's still been merciful and done many miracles in my life. I know the kingdom of God is both within me and just at the edge of my reach where I have to step out and touch it. I am God's son. I am his beloved and he loves to walk with me. You are his son or daughter too. You have the kingdom of God within you. If you are struggling with a problem and God asks you with a worried look "How in the world will you deal with this problem?" You can just laugh, give thanks to God, and proceed as if there was no such thing as lack in your life.
Just like Jesus did.
Jesus is our model and guide. After the disciples spent three years with him they went out pretty fearlessly and changed the world. But I think there is one other hero in this story that we often forget and can learn a lot from. The boy. I think it's likely that the boy approached Andrew and offered his bread and fishes. I have no proof, just a gut feeling that the most likely suspect to have the faith of a child is a child. He likely saw the immensity of the problem but thought "My mom worries too much about me and packed way too much for a little guy like me. I can at least share what I have." He didn't worry if it was enough, he decided that he would simply offer everything he had and let God do the rest. Without the boys sacrifice what would there have been to multiply?
Some people like to "Wait and see the salvation of the Lord" just like Moses said. But if you read that passage closely God actually rebukes Moses gently and says "I will open the waters when you step into them". Just like he did for Joshua when entering the promised land. God doesn't ask us for much, just for everything. He asks us to take the first step of faith and then his job is be the miraculous solution. We need to watch God closely and find out what he wants to do, then simply offer everything we have and watch God do the rest! The Christian life is not so difficult if we rest in Him and trust Him, even a child can walk in it. The difficulty comes in giving up our comfort and following God. I think this quote from GK Chesterton sums up the issue.
"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried."
Later in the gospel, Jesus is sleeping in a boat with his disciples and a storm comes up so powerful that the disciples think they are going to die. Jesus is still sleeping. They wake him up and shout "Don't you care that we are going to die!?!" Then I imagine him get up kind of groggily, rebuke the storm "Be still!" And as he lies back down he asks "Why are you still afraid? Do you have no faith?" Or in other words "How come you guys didn't do anything about the storm?" It is the storms that we can rest in that we have authority over. When we strive for the miraculous apart from rest we will get worn out. Jesus said in John 14 "If you abide in me you will bear much fruit". Abiding in God is as easy as abiding in a house. It takes no effort on our parts, we just abide. We can rest in God, in his love, and in his peace. Then when we see the size of the problem it is so much smaller than the size of God.
"In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength." - Isaiah 30:15
God has to shake our foundations when we rest and trust in things besides Him. It can be a painful process, there can be a lot of disillusionment and your faith might not even survive if you don't understand what God is doing in the midst of your situations. But when you can see God present in those situations, you can rest in him, trust in him, and really know him. Then when Jesus comes up to you in mock anxiety and asks "Where are we going to find bread for all these people to eat?" You can smile and say "I know exactly where".
- David Hepting
