That sweet radiance

One of my favourite promises in the bible is "seek and you will find"

It gives me hope that my efforts and searching will not be in vain. I especially like that when we seek God he promises we will find him. Probably because he is already in us ;). 

This last week there has been a lot of seeking on my part. I am getting to know my students better and building some great relationships. Then some days come where nothing goes right and there is a lot of defiance, apathy, and I feel totally ineffective as a teacher. That happened last Friday. This week I bought a book from two researchers who visited 17,000 classrooms and did extensive research about what causes the most authentic student engagement. It was fascinating and so helpful. I also found a website about classroom management and just devoured every article and put everything into practice that I could. I feel a lot more hope and confidence now. Things are still tough at times. We had to cancel a couple days because the weather got to be more than minus 40C! But, I felt it was like a little gift from God to give me more time to seek and find the answers in my heart. I felt him guiding me. 

The other big event coming up is that Jetaime will leave for 3 weeks to celebrate Chinese New Year in Malaysia. This is the longest we will have been apart since we were married. I mean before we were married we would be apart for like 7 months at a time. But things have changed now that we spend everyday together. We have become closer than I would have ever expected. Jetaime is such a sweetheart, so thoughtful, so funny, and so surprising. We still have some big fights and hurt each other, but they are fewer and fewer each month. I feel like we are finally beginning to really understand each other and love each other regardless of all the faults. So it's a tough time to say goodbye. I am so excited for her to see her family and friends and to be back home where she hasn't been for a long time. I'm also excited to be able to really pour tons of hours into tasks like I did when I was single. Learning Chinese, reading books, running, biking, or even finishing tv seasons! Haha, but those little benefits don't compare with what will be leaving. 

So I guess the thing that I am seeking in all of this is to see what God has for us in this time. It is a unique moment in our marriage and I want to make the most of these moments. I read this quote from Tim Keller that was really encouraging

“It’s remarkable that in all of his writings Paul’s prayers for his friends contain no appeals for changes in their circumstances.” Tim Keller

Haha, that's a really good point Tim! I think he hit the nail on the head. Paul realizes that it is not the outward world that needs to conform to our inward desires, but that when our hearts are caught up in God that every storm becomes stilled in us. All of our hopes for safety, comfort, and things to go right are actually sometimes idols. They are good desires, but there are even better desires. To be moulded into the likeness of Christ! To be one with Him! What can compare with that? What can separate us from His love? Nothing in all creation! 

In the last few weeks Ive spent some really sweet time in Gods presence and then later when I am trying to fulfill the desires of my heart in all of the other things I am used to like news articles and tv shows and podcasts nothing satisfies at all like God does. I just have this restless yearning for something better than everything the world has on offer. I want that sweet radiance of Gods presence. I'm not some super saint. I'm actually pretty lazy and don't get what's important most of the time. But then when I spend time with God its like all my values get recalibrate to what's really true, noble, and worthwhile. I become what I could never be in my own efforts. 

Free. 

Those who look to the Lord are radiant, 

There faces are never covered with shame. 

Psalm 34:5